Instant Gratification

         

             Because I’m a tutor, you might be under the impression that I have it all figured out, that I’m an organized, hardworking, perfect example of what a student should be. While I do have a firm grasp on what habits make and definitely do not make a successful student, putting this knowledge into practice is not always my strong suit.

                During these past few weeks, there has been a battle raging in this student’s head, my dreams and ambitions under attack, barely resisting the will of instant gratification. It seldom feels like a battle – more like a conversation between friends. I’ll wake up in the morning, and instant gratification will convince me each time my alarm goes off that I just need five more minutes. It’s a reasonable request, so I obey and hit snooze. But soon, those five minutes have turned into an hour, and I end up rushing to get ready for class. Once I get to class, out of breath and still two minutes late, instant gratification will be at my ear again, jumbling the professor’s words into mush. It pulls gently at my sleeve, urging me to write a story instead or convinces me that I simply won’t be able to focus until I devise a solution to an interpersonal conflict. Right now. No other time will do. I can always figure out how to solve this equation later.

              Sometimes, I give in. I listen to this voice and waste the day, and each time that I give in, I feel terrible, and it becomes more and more difficult to focus during class, more and more difficult to understand the material, more and more difficult to believe in the light at the end of this tunnel called college. I think this voice convinces me as much as it does because it has no malicious intent. It just wants to have fun and play games, watch shows and letsplays. It doesn’t want to think. It doesn’t want to do. It comes up with every excuse, every compelling argument it can muster – it works so hard to get out of doing hard work.

            Through hard won experience, I know that the result of listening to instant gratification, despite intent, is misery - not the type that happens to you, but the type that you bring upon yourself, which stings just that little bit more. Whenever I ignore the whisper and crawl out of bed when I’m meant to, turn off the TV and study, get an A on that difficult assignment, or solve and fully understand an equation after 30 minutes of struggle and youtube tutorials, the feeling I get is far better than extra sleep or watching just one more episode of The Office. When I push myself to do the hard things, the tug at my sleeve becomes less insistent. It’s not so difficult to focus on the professor anymore. That little voice no longer has the power to pull me away. 

            None of us are perfect. All of us backslide and give into that voice at some point. But humans are changeable. We can remake ourselves, fix bad habits, and change our answer the next time instant gratification rears its lazy head. If a battle is raging, if you’re struggling like me, keep pushing. Remember the feeling of a wasted day. 

By Molly Calloway, FCC Writing and Reading Tutor, FCC Student